the garden of my thoughts

I was cleaning out the flowerbed in front of my house today and it got me thinking... (it seems to happen more and more often lately... hmm... alarming concept, me thinking more... oh, well) I had a long time to think because the mentioned flower bed has not been attended to in quite a while.

So there I was trying to degrass (look, I just made up a word:) the area that is supposed to be grass free, to free the new little gentle sprouts of flowers of the weeds that were threatening to destroy them and to plant some new bulbs. It reminded me of someone's comparison of gardening to our thoughts, where the plants we are cultivating are the thoughts we want to take root in our mind and the weeds are the thoughts that appear and go wild without our particular attention. Most of the latter ones are not desirable. In this journey to better myself I have started to pay particular attention to my thoughts. I think my mind like my little flower bed was a little over due for some cleaning. It has alarmed me how many negative thoughts were flowing unencumbered through my head every single day.They ranged from seemingly harmless "my hair looks messy" to thoughts that were actually threatening my existence, denounced me as a person of any use to anyone and just made me wish to disappear. I have become aware of that fact when I took an advise of a trainer at the class I attended and wrote a letter to myself, apologizing for everything I was thinking about myself. I started to apologize and what came out that I needed to apologize for shocked me. The words were so brutal! the offense so  little... It impressed me that if ANYONE...  EVER...  talked to me like that, that person would be out of my life, I would never speak to them again. And here I was... my own worst enemy. It is a good thing that I am also very forgiving, because there is not much chance that I can get me out of my life. I became more aware, and started weeding :) and then I noticed something else. The thoughts that I thought I have successfully plucked out of the soil of my mind kept shamelessly and determinedly coming back!!! I would find myself thinking something mean about myself and then go "wait a second!!! haven't I already disposed of you just a couple days earlier?" sigh... not an easy battle to win... that's why the flowerbed made me think.

Why do the weeds come back after you pull them?? They have roots!!! All the hard work you do and a day later there it is again, worming its way into your beautiful flowerbed. so, how do you get rid of roots? and what are the roots? If we go back to weeding the actual garden, er need something to dig with... like tools. We need to dig deep, find the root and get rid of it. Here is one of the tools that I found to help me get rid of thoughts that I don't want to have... It is a CD called building a Mind of Steel. It helped me a lot, and I am more peaceful and more happy...and I was thinking about the roots. The thoughts that we automatically have like grass are the harder to pull out the longer they have been there, the longer we ALLOWED them to be there, the more we BELIEVED them. You know what I am talking about,  how if an accidental weed grows on a new flowerbed you pull it out easily, but go try pulling out the grass that has been there for years and every blade is connected to 100 more and is holding on to the ground with deep established roots. so digging deep. When you start taking out thoughts, the situations come to your mind. All the evidence that the thought is valid and should stay there. I just want to remind you that YOU ARE IN CHARGE of what is growing in your mind. Go collect some new evidence!!!!

I am very passionate about it because
I have seen the thoughts incapacitate me. I , a healthy young woman would sit on the couch all day long unable to get up and do anything, even to tidy up the house, all the while thinking how worthless I was and how someone else would be better in my place as a mom and a wife than I was, all the while collecting evidence that those thoughts were valid because the house got messier, the kids shabbier, the husband more unhappy... It is not a pretty picture!!! I am SO happy that I am getting out. My house is still not in its ideal shape, but it is getting there, and most importantly, I AM HAPPY! and now I am a friend to me, a cheerleader. You should be your cheerleader too. you got out of bed today!!! THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!!
your children are alive! GOOD JOB!!! oh, you even remembered  to brush your teeth!!! SCORE!!!!!

Seriously! you are an amazing person, but if you don't see it, no one else will either, and then your so called evidence and your thoughts will eat you alive. DON'T LET THEM!

Waking Up

I was thinking today about what happens to our life when we don't take charge of our own life. Let me explain what I am talking about.

Most of the people you talk to will tell you that they are in charge of their own life, but are they really? Do you consciously plan what you want to do every day based on the goal that you are currently working on? Is your current goal in synch with your life's mission? Do you HAVE a mission? do you know what you are here on Earth to do? I will venture to say that most of the people live every day in a survival mode, with their actions dictated by what needs to get done at work, what someone asked them to do, what was posted on Facebook or Twitter,  What show is on TV, what needs to get done at home, what do we plan to have for dinner etc. We live on kind of auto pilot. We have routines we follow and those routines are in control of what actions are getting done.
If you don't believe me, start something new in your life, like a new exercise program or a new healthier eating plan and see how long it takes until you have some resistance. Your body will rebel, because it wants the familiar and comfortable... If you don't have a strong enough motivation, you will probably quit soon.

So where does one get the motivation?
I am a prayerful person, so after finding that I was living on auto pilot and my life started getting into a rut and beginning to resemble a swamp, I started praying. It worked for me after I have decided to take it further and actually write down my question and the answer that came. It was an incredible experience. I really hope you try it. And whatever answer comes, write it down and DO IT! If you are not prayerful, whatever it is that you believe in, that is bigger than you, write a letter to it. Ask what are you here on this earth to do. The answer might surprise you.  My life has drastically changed since that night in September. I feel like I am finally living on purpose. I have followed my answers and now have a new job that I love, way better family relationship and a mission in life. I love it.

It is not too easy though. As I have mentioned, there is always a resistance. It is super hard to teach your body that was used to do everything as usual to all the sudden start listen to you and do what you tell it to. even simply getting up earlier than usual can be a real challenge. So when you face your resistance and think whether or not you should stick to your new choices, here is a song for you :) It came to my mind recently. It is done by a group of very talented anesthesiologists,  but If you look at it from the point of view of waking up to your meaningful life, it takes on a whole new message. Enjoy

My body... my friend

I want to write about my experience with weight. It is a sore subject in our days. It is on everyone's mind. We all want to look and feel our best but somehow are never satisfied with the results. Frustration follows. Why after all that work is there still no noticeable improvement? I keep seeing the pictures of happy people on the internet and on the TV who have changed very noticeably, but me... I lost half a pound... and than gained 2. That is not cool!!! Why am I the only one in the world who doesn't seem to get it?
That was me 6 months ago. Things have changed for me since then. I have let go of 20 pounds and am still going. People started to notice, and ask me what I am doing. So I am sharing my secret.

I have tried very hard to lose weight for years. And every time I would have a child I would be left with new 20 pounds worth of souvenir that apparently was so precious to my body that no matter how hard I tried it just wouldn't let it go! until now.

I have to give a disclaimer here. I have 3 years ago successfully let go of 25 pounds and kept it off for a while using a weight loss system, but after a while it all came back plus some. And for 3 years since I have truly struggled.

So what has changed now? Let me back up a little. I have noticed through my life,that several times when my life started to look up, and I would be busy working toward something that was important to me, my weight would start melting. I thought that was interesting, but have dismissed it because every time as soon as the excitement ware off, my weight would climb right back to its comfortable place.  This last year I have started studying and teaching Body Language. To understand why and how our body moves is fascinating, and comes with deeper awareness of how our body functions, and how our mind and brain works. So the more I learned the more I understood that the thoughts that go through our mind have the largest effect on what our body will do. Whether those thoughts are voiced or not, our body will act them out. So, let's say, as was my ritual before, I get up in the morning, see myself in the mirror and groan:
"grrr... why do I look so fat! I hate my body!" 
sounds familiar? come on, admit it! most of us who are unhappy with the way we look can't look in a mirror without having something like that flash through our mind. And men, you are not an exception. I know however you try to appear, that you don't care how you look, you really go around worrying about that one chubby spot, that you are sure EVERYONE is staring at. Women, we all do that. even the most gorgeous ones go around sure that the only thing people notice is that one spot... that one flabby part.

And that is where the problem lies. You see, our bodies are run by our subconscious. and if the thoughts that are dominating are about what we don't like it will produce more of that. So the more you look in the mirror and hate that one chubby part the more chubby it will be.

So what can we do? Well, are you willing to try something wacky if it works?
Alright. Here it goes.
Learn to love your tummy. I first heard it from Kirk Duncan, the owner of 3 Key Elements, and thought that it was the silliest thing I have ever heard. but it worked for me, and I have taught it to a few people since and have seen changes in their life. Here is what he told us to do in his class: Stand in front of the mirror in the morning, and put a hand on your tummy. Rub it and tell it that you love it. And send the feelings of love into it.
You see, the area we call belly or tummy has inside a part of digestive system that is responsible for the absorption of the nutrients. If we send negative energy to it, it has a hard time digesting and we get more problems. On top of it, that is where we used to be connected to our mother before we were born, so the energy of creation is centered in that area as well. Sending good thoughts to all that will help your body feel safe and actually start letting go of the layers of protection it has accumulated. And the process shall begin.

I know it sounds too simple to be true, but what have you got to lose? Try it and keep it up for a while. You will see how great you will feel. For me amazing things started happening. My body now can actually feel when I have had enough to eat, and even if a desert is too much. I might take a bite of brownie and feel that it is not something I want. ( I got to admit the brownies have always been my weakness, ever since I first tried them :)

Your body is your friend. It wants to help you, it wants to be healthy as much as you do. Help it work with you!

In the end, I want to share something with you. I was in the class offered by 3 Key Elements, and we had a task to write a letter to our body or to a particular body part, and then write a response. Again, sounds wacky but it was an incredibly powerful experience. I wanted to share with you a letter that one young mother shared. She has told us that she chose to write a letter to her stomach and tell it how much she hated it for keeping her self conscious and for making her hide from the fun opportunities she could have had. Here is the response she got ( I have her permission to share it)

Dear Emily-

I know you hate me. It was never a secret. But it is not my fault that I am who I am. I am one part of many, and I did not create this alone. The mind decided what to eat and whether to exercise. The mouth craved it, and the mind obliged. The hands did all the dirty work. I feel just as restricted by them as you do by me. Yet you ignore my pleading and soon forget the pain. My needs are simple, and I don't need much. I want good foods, simple foods: Protein, grains, fruits, veggies and dairy, in their natural form. I don't want all the extras, the sugar and sweets. That is the Mouth, and I always get blamed. They get all the fun and I get all the hate, and aches, and pains. I wish you could see that we are a team. I want to be thin and fit and healthy too. But you and I can't do it alone. WE need the brain to be on our side, then we could do anything. 

You loved me once, not too long ago, when it wasn't just me you held through the night. I felt those kicks too, and I grew when she grew. You loved me then, you called me beautiful. You showed me off and were not ashamed - even when the skin decided to move your stretchmarks past your belly button. You didn't care. Because we were a team, and you took care of me so could take care of her.we had a common goal, and we did amazing things together. Why can't we be like that again?

                                                                            -Love,
                                                                                      your Tummy

by: Emily

CAGES

Hello, everyone!
On my way to transform I am learning to find the messages in the world around me. This is a video I made to share one of those messages. Enjoy!

I was thinking a lot about it lately. I try so hard to change things in my life... why is it taking so long for them to take? well, this is why. The cage needs to be identified. Otherwise, I don't even realise that I am sabotaging my efforts. I might not even notice sneaking a cookie from the jar, or sleeping in too late or... you name it. The world is out there. Let's go get it!!! I invite you to witness my journey :)

This blog has been on my mind for a very long time.

It started when I was reading Jane Austen novels. Quite apart from thinking on romantic topics, my thoughts turned to the setting of all the books.

All the good families, Mothers, daughters (usually main characters) going into society, playing musical instruments, painting, learning, doing needlework and crafts; kind servants cleaning and doing the laundry , housekeepers managing the life of the servants and daily routine; tutors, cooks... I was thinking about all the different people it took to run a household.
And than there was me...

I wondered of how many people it would take in the time of Jane Austen to do everything that I do? how many roles does every mother fill? We are  the housekeepers, we are the tutors, we are the tutors, we are the beautiful women and the craft goddesses, and the managers of the estate... The list goes on and on. How do we sort out who we are amid all these expectations and the daily necessities?

Well, I have decided that I will try and find out who I really am. I am starting on this journey of self discovery, and I invite you to join me. Let's make a place where we will inspire each other, empower and uplift the women to do what they came into this world to do. We are beautiful and powerful! Don't let the world tell you otherwise!